Mom gives engaged 25-year-old daughter late spouse's wedding ring, 28-year-old brother protests he wants to give it to his girlfriend of four months: 'He claimed I was punishing him for not settling down'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 19, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Inheritance is a topic that can tear even the most close-knit families apart. Nothing lays bare old resentments and complicated dynamics quite like the prospect of money, property, or a treasured heirloom being up for grabs. Greed and entitlement are great motivators in the worst possible ways.

Sometimes, it isn't even something expensive or flashy that people decide to start drama about. Things that have simple sentimental value can occasionally be the most hotly contested items. Often, this is because while they may not always be worth a lot of money, they represent certain relationships and forms of social standing within a family. 

When something like this is given away to the 'wrong' person when somebody else wanted it for themselves, tantrums can ensue. Assuming they are still alive, it is up to the previous owner to try and keep the peace and hold firm in their decisions, if they feel right.

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    via Saeed Sarshar

  • This is something that one mom was struggling with after she gave her late husband's wedding ring to her engaged daughter. Her spouse passed away ten years ago, and she had kept his wedding ring up until her daughter asked if she could have it for her upcoming wedding to her partner of seven years. Her son took issue with this, claiming that he wanted it for when he got married to his girlfriend of four months. Falling out with her and his sister, the mom wondered if she had been right to stand her ground.

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    AITA for giving my late spouse's wedding ring to my daughter instead of my son?

    I lost my spouse ten years ago, and their wedding ring has been one of the few things Ive held onto as a reminder of our life together. I always assumed Id pass it down one day, but I never really thought about when or to whom until recently. My daughter, Emily (25F), has been with her fiancé, Mark (27M), for seven years. Theyve been through college, job changes, and even bought a house together. When they got engaged, Emily asked if she could have the wedding ring. I felt emotional but ultimate
    via SxyJessica990
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    My son, Peter (28M), didnt say much at first, but a few days later, he came over furious. He said he had also planned to propose soon and assumed the ring would go to him. The thingg is that hes only been dating his girlfriend, Sophie (24F), for four months. I told him I wasnt comfortable giving the ring to someone I barely knew, especially since his past relationships have never lasted more than a year.
    via SxyJessica990
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    He blew up, accusing me of favoring Emily and saying I had no right to decide whose love was more real. He claimed I was punishing him for not settling down sooner and that it was unfair to assume his relationship wouldnt last. I told him it wasnt about favoritism, it was about knowing the ring was going to someone who had truly built a life with their partner. He called me a hypocrite for acting like a gatekeeper of love and said I had no faith in him. Now hes barely speaking to me and his sist
    via SxyJessica990
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    Outsiders thought she was doing the right thing.

    keephopealive4you You're framing it wrong. Giving it to your daughter keeps it in the family. Also, she has a connection to the ring, your son's gf does not. NTA
    via keephopealive4you
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    S xyJessica990 OP Yes that's what I said in my reply to another comment, exactly like you said it will stay in the family no matter what.
    via SxyJessica990
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    DastardlyCreepy Wife's jewellery always goes to the daughter, not the son.
    via DastardlyCreepy
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    Worldly-Computer-962 For not wanting to give a precious family treasure to a complete stranger? NTA, at all, especially with Peter's track record.
    via Worldly-Computer-962
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    S xyJessica990 OP Right especially since Emily will actually keep it in the family, if she ever gets divorced (I hope not!) then the ring will stay with her, but if Peter gives it to Sophie there is no guarantee it'll come back. And you never know, maybe one day Emily will pass it down to her daughter if she has one which would be quite beautiful
    via SxyJessica990
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    BrilliantEmphasis862 NTA - your son is acting very entitled - I would have done the same.
    via BrilliantEmphasis862
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    ThatQuiet8782 NTA. Seeing the exchange when he loses the ring, it's no wonder he doesn't last more than a year in his relationships.
    via ThatQuiet8782
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    _acvf My exact thoughts. So immature.
    via _acvf
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    SelaRoseYT NTA. I don't see this as a matter of favoritism. It had never been predetermined who would get the ring and she asked for it first. It's not any deeper than that.
    via SelaRoseYT
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    wlfwrtr NTA If he wanted it so badly why didn't he ask you to keep it for him until he was ready for it. Generally jewelry that is passed down goes to the girl so in case of divorce it doesn't leave the family. It seems he didn't want it until his sister got it.
    via wlfwrtr
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    witchymoon69 You framed your response wrong. You gave it to your child who will always be your child. Therefore the ring will always stay in the family and not be lost to divorce. Can you offer him your wedding band? That way it stays in the family.
    via witchymoon69
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    PrairieGrrl5263 NTA. You have solid reasons for the decision you made, but you don't actually need any reason at all. It was your ring to do with as you wished; you needed no one's permission or consultation. Perhaps your son has some unresolved issues around the loss of his father; maybe some counseling or therapy is in order. Whatever the issue(s), the ring is just the outward sign.
    via PrairieGrrl5263
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    BayAreaPupMom His response is the main reason why it should go to Emily and not Peter. Emily is truly appreciative of the gesture, and Peter is entitled. NTA
    via BayAreaPupMom
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    lilymystique31 Peter sounds like he's auditioning for a soap opera with that dramatic flair! 'Gatekeeper of love'-I can see the title now! Maybe you should charge him for the rights to the screenplay!
    via lilymystique31
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    Better_Pea248 I mean, your reasoning is valid, but you had the very easy out of just saying, "Daughter got engaged first." That is a much less fraught line of reasoning.
    via Better_Pea248
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    Effective-Mongoose57 In my family, for many generations now the general rule is jewellery is handed down the bld line according to gender as much as possible. Eg mums jewellery goes to the daughters, dad's jewellery goes to the sons. It might also pass to a grandchild or nibbling, but the idea is to follow the bld line. There are a few exceptions but mostly everyone agrees that's a fair way to do it.
    via Effective-Mongoose57
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    Academic-Dare1354 Typically, a mother's jewellery goes to her daughter. Either way though your daughter is the one you knew was getting engaged, she actually asked, she's in a stable relationship and this way it always stays in the family no matter what
    via Academic-Dare1354
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    New-Number-7810 NTA. Your daughter asked first, and her relationship is more stable.
    via New-Number-7810
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    Quix66 People often pass jewelry down the maternal line anyway. This way the ring stays in the family. A son's wife can divorce and take it out of the family, unlike the daughter. And anyway, your daughter asked first! And she was engaged first and your son technically isn't yet. First come, first served. Too bad for him. ΝΤΑ.
    via Quix66
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    amlosthere NTA- it sounds like your son decided to propose to get the ring. He hasn't even been with his partner long enough to determine if they are ready for marriage let alone if they split, the ring may be gone forever. You made the right decision.
    via amlosthere
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    Dismal Additions The ring was yours to give. If it's sentiment, he can have your husbands ring. But if you lined 5 rings on the table and both were given a choice, they would probably pick a different ring. It's just the prize they are fighting over. Personally, I think it was r de for your daughter to even ask for the ring. But if I did give it away, id want it to stay in the family. Nta
    via Dismal_Additions

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inheritance aita wedding ring girlfriend wedding ring family reddit thread daughter fiancé Reddit mom son
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